being socially responsible

contrast title of this post to the pervious one. such irony!

today i paid (literally) a visit to this interesting doctor again. nice pun haha.

With internship and tuition demands, i've been keeping late nights. As usual, only a matter of time before my body breaks down.

given 2 days MC though i feel i only need a day. am told to stay at home to be "socially responsible". given the current H1N1 situation, even if i'm not H1N1 positive, i'd still infect people around me with other flu viruses that will cause them to have to stay home like me otherwise there'll be too many people with flu running around and it'll be difficult to single out H1N1 suspected cases. oh really? it works this way?

so anyway i welcome the rest.

but tmr is the date of my lecture that i've been preparing for. the first lecturing in my life. granted, i have given tutorials on lts, standing on podium before, but it's not the same! the mike, visualizer, ppt, and the sheer number of audience.

but i have to give it up. you know there are many unspoken things an intern has to tahan, and one of the things is the knowledge that they are not very important. more on that in the future, or maybe not. anyway, i'm given 2 days MC, my doc refuses to dispense just one day, so if i were to appear in school tmr, even if i pass the gate-check, my MC will reveal that i'm supposed to be home for 2 days, and hence prove my "social irresponsibility".

so i'm staying home tmr, giving up my lecture slot, and the days of research and work of collating the information and presenting them in ways that will be understood by the students. sent over all i've done, hopefully it helps the teacher taking over the lecture.

somehow, i feel defeated. this post is indirectly linked to the previous one. go figure.

for the record, i'm not running a fever. just some swollen tonsils and blocked nose. oh plus a very tired mind.

This week's 8 days issue is so bad

Random title because i could not think of a good one. Blaugh.

Before i start rambling, i need to tell BUDDY LIU that i'm so sorry i replied ur tags using ur nick HAHA i know lah you're gonna say i'm stupid. Hai whatever. You can tell it's me because of the pink thing that only MY tags have okie. Cus i am the cbox'sadministrator. *proud smirk*

I'm starting to miss all my besties terribly. I miss stupid Pan whom i never get to meet up though we're both in Singapore. I miss Liu the most! Because i don't even have to sign in to msn to check if she is online to catch up. Study hard ya, Liu? If not i smack you ah! I have since decided to allow myself to sign in to msn during school hours if i'm by the desk. That way i'd feel less cut off from the world out there hurhur. Pris, who is at Vivo today but my feet hurt too much to wanna shuffle to Vivo. My love, whom i haven had a decent chat with since...forever! Love i miss you! Sch buds not so bad i just saw them this week but i'm sure by next week i'd wanna see them again.

Oh my, what's my world coming to? I see my world crumbling into pieces... *cues sad music* HAHA damn drama.

I'm feeling very antsy today because by some miracle i am given a chance to leave school at 1pm, yet i find out that apart from napping i have nothing to do. =(

Okay backtrack a little. Today, my department teachers invited a white South African lady from the British Council to give a talk about J.M Coetzee's Disgrace, which is the text we're currently doing. Yup, they were all so eggcited about the talk, and i was infected too. HAHA. So after the talk of course there is an obligatory lunch. I din know i was involved so i din think much of it. But my sup very nicely asked me if i have any plans for lunch because she wants me to join the entourage for lunch. So yay! Interesting lunch, actually interesting food also because we ate at the only restaurant i have never set foot into at Causeway Point. Lol.

We discussed many texts and wow it was all so insightful. I must really thank my NTU professors for equipping me with more than i need in this subject. I am proud to say that i have read a little of, or at least heard of most of the texts that were mentioned during lunch. My passion for Literature is fueled up again! I really have awesome professors. =)

Another thing that left an impression during lunch was their advice that i should take up the Teaching Award. They were actually talking as if i am already offered the award which is kinda weird because hello they would be the ones assessing me and they have yet to assess me because the internship is not over yet. They were explaining to me how the bond of 3 years passes by very quickly and it really is a good deal. When i recall that i have to repay my study loan after i graduate, i kinda also agree that the Teaching Award will solve all problems. Since i am quite sure i will go into teaching eventually anyway. But. If i were to go into teaching as a profession immediately after graduation, i never will witness for myself how working in private sector is like. And i know i will always live with this regret of not having tried it out. Sure i can finish my bond with MOE, than get out and get a job in a private sector. But.... I dunno. Can one leave MOE and go back to MOE after maybe 5 years? Hmmm. I think i have to email someone who can answer my queries.

I was also thinking...wow, 3 months ago i would never have imagined myself working, having department lunches and all. This internship really opens up room for lots of self-exploration and experience. I'm quite glad for this chance.My only gripe is hurhur having to wake up bloody early.I feel tired every morning without fail. But okay that's a silly complaint.

Oh did i mention that i was suddenly thrown into reliefing a J2 class yesterday? Their teacher fell sick and had to go off early to see a doctor, and no one else was free (with Pre-U sem preparation, invigilation planning and exam timetable scheduling and all) so i had to take the class. Overall it was fine i guess. The students were nice and responsible enough. Today i saw them on the way to lecture and they remembered me. Smiled and waved. =)

Now oh now what should i do. I wanna get out of the house since it's Friday night and for once i am not tired. K bye.

of nothing in particular

#Warning! long post ahead!

Hello loyal readers. Please stand up and wave now because you have a new (virtual) friend. I recently gave my blog url to someone i just met, and wah he actually went to read dated entries. Which made me look back at my earlier entries. Which sparked off this blog entry. I was so damn childish in the past. Like some teenage-bopper thing hai. But i guess everyone was angsty and childish once lah right? That's the only thing i can comfort myself with now. :/

Reading my old posts, i also observed that i used to be funnier, more honest, and more full of vitality to overcome the odds in my life. That side of me, i hope i can recover.

*

The past two days have been exhausting, so today i managed to catch some me-time after leaving school early. I took a bus and just did not alight at my stop. Music blasting, i considered and thought. Now, after the whole thinking and feeling process, i am finally at peace with myself once again. =)

*

Internship. How has it been so far? Hmm i actually feel that things are getting a little stagnant. I mean, yes lesson observations and all. But...i actually feel like a research student more than a teacher on internship. Granted, i should lower my expectations cus hey, it's only the 3rd day today right. Yes right okay so i shall stop feeling sian.

To curb my sianness in school, i have come up with a few strategies to make the most out of this internship. Firstly, because i am only following the classes of a Literature teacher, i will only observe lit classes and 2 GP lessons per week. Truth is, i am also interested in PW and History classes. So, i have decided to go around and ask the respective teachers if i can just sit in for their classes. Heh heh heh. Even if it means shorter breaks or no breaks. I don't wanna waste the time there.

Next, i realised that some of the (esp female) teachers are quite... Unfriendly? My sister says the best way to tackle this is to smile at them and make them paiseh so they'll smile back. Today i tried. For the most part, it worked. But this particular teacher, wow i smiled at her and she just gave me a blank face and looked away. Ouch! But never mind i shall try again next time! Meanwhile i have decided, if the full-time teachers are not going to strike conversations with me, i will chat them up! Then slowly i'd be more acquainted with the staff in the staffroom. Yipee!

Today, oh, Jing Jing was at my cubicle talking to me. I was looking left at her. After some time i felt very strange on my right so i turned. And got a shock. This young male teacher (whom i admit i don rem seeing ever before) was leaning on the wall of my cubicle and resting this chin on the mantle, looking at us. Wtf hahaha. He then stared at my notebook and asked "is that a comic?" lol. Yes so we started talking and all. I found out that he's a young contract teacher who complains about selling his soul to the government, and that he is soooooo sleepy haha but he really is a passionate teacher. When he had to go off, he said "wish me luck, i really need it" because he was going for consultation with a few weaker students. After some time, i walked out of the staffroom for lunch, and walked past the bench he was at with his students. Looking at the way he teaches, i really cannot believe he was the funny and very nice guy i just spoke to in the staffroom. If one thing surprises me, it is the fact that friendly, funny people my age (or maybe a few years older) can command so much respect from students. And the confidence they exude when teaching, is something amazing. I am so inspired. One day, if i do go into teaching, i hope to be like this too.

After lecture today some students walked up to me and asked questions like "Miss Tan, can i see your pencil case? It's very cute!" or "Miss Tan, how old are you?" and i managed a short conversation with them. Really polite and nice kids. Okay not kids anymore. =)

*

I witnessed an act of kindness today. For those of you who know, along the road to Causeway Point and Woodlands mrt there s actually this bus lane thing that leads to the understand bus intercharge right? So no cars are allowed in otherwise very malu you have to drive into the bus interchange and endure weird stares. So today on the bus, i saw a blue Honda Jazz enter that lane. I think the sriver wanted to turn left and she thought it is okay to turn there. But after the entered that bend she realised the grave error, so she desperately tried to reverse and steer the car back to the lane going straight. But the cars behind weren't aware so they kept up their speed. Hence that poor car could not reverse out of the bend. Then viola! This uncle walked behind the poor car, put out a hand to warn/stop oncoming vehicles,and gestured to the driver that it was safe to reverse. Wow damn nice! I smiled after i saw it! So kind of him! Hero!

*

Went to visit my grandma today. Though i still largely cant hear her, though i had to wear a mask throughout (H1N1 preventive measure), she held my hands and called my name. I told her i just started trying out being a teacher, and the look of pride in her eyes surfaced. We chatted a little, with her trying her best to speak up while i tried my best to dicipher her words by guessing. It was like playing charades haha. I realised, i walk very fast, live a fast-paced life, but whenever i enter the nursing home and reach her bed, things become so slow they almost come to a standstill. I have to adjust my pace for her before her world revolves slowly. I really missed her, so i am glad i went to see her today. Her being her, after an hour, she saw that i was tired and told me to come home to nap. Ah ma will always be ah ma. =)

*

Something more light-hearted! I recently bought a new long skirt. For those of you who know me, i don't wear long skirts HAHA but i;ve decided to try since i don't like to wear pants and i cant be wearing a dres everyday right. (Because i do not have that many decent dresses) So yes, my mom went shopping and bought me one blue knee length skirt and i bought myself another below knee-length layered long skirt. I think it's damn pretty but my mom thinks otherwise.Oh well. So i kinda threw it in my wardrobe and forgot about it. Until this morning, i was running late and i saw it so i guess paired it with a simple top before running to my bus stop.

I thought i looked funny since we all know rushed choiceof outfits is unwise. But 4 people commented on my skirt today OH YES! They say it's very pretty!!!!! Eggcited because my whole family says it's ugly. *wrings hand in despair*

When i bought a drink at Causeway Point, the lady at the cashier said to me: " 你的裙很好看". Hur hur. MOMMY ARE YOU READING THIS!?

Yeah Jing Jing asked me if this dress can be worn as a tube dress. So i came home,took off my top and pulled the skirt up. Yes it can be worn as a tube dress too. A little too short for school but okay for going out! Add a waist belt and i can conquer the world! Yay happy with my buy!

*

I would like to continue but my bed looks very inviting at the moment.
Nap time!

TIP Day 1

Hello!

Here to share insights on my first day reporting as a teacher. I think it went pretty well, after hearing some bad stories from friends in other schools. Basically our induction programme for today and tmr is supposed to be slack and stress-free. Ample time for breakfast, breaks and lunch, and our official day ended at 1pm. The other interns left before 2pm, but as i was preparing to leave, my sup asked if i wanted to try observing her tutorials later in the day (though we were only expected to do so starting Wed). I agreed, and sure learnt something. I saw the difference between a more motivated class and a less motivated one. Which kind of reminds me of my tuition kids. Right now i'm pondering on how to motivate them. Pri school tuition kids are easy, but JC level? Hmm...

I must talk about my sup/mentor! She is everything i thought she would be! Except that she can get fiercer and sterner to the kids who have not completed their work. At the same time, she really is a mentor to me because she also speaks to me about career prospects and all. She challenged me to take a lecture on Arthur Yap's poems,which i accepted. So now i have to do research to prepare for my lecture. I hope i'm up to it! Apart from that, i've been given 2 novels, one of which they are finishing up now. The lectures of the 2nd novel will start after school re-opens, and i'm expected to play a part too. I've started reading the first, it's quite interesting!

Anw, H2 Literature is alot more difficult than what i did for A Level Literature! It's like University standard since they revised the marking criteria. In JC we used to just focus on the texts right? For now, no! Alot more research has to be done to provide context of the theories. Imagine, they are going to study Arthur Yap as post-colonial literature! Even if it's a force-fit, they have to write about his works using post-colonial theory lenses.

Overall, i'm happy to be given lots of chances to learn and test my ability. Though for these 2 weeks i'm only supposed to observe lessons and orientate myself to the school, my sup encourages me to speak up and shoot questions to the students in class. So i'm not expected to just sit there and shut up, but be like a teacher. So the class will have 2 teachers. Awesome stuff. =)

The VP gave us this pep-talk, smth along the lines of "we'll treat you as teachers, the teachers will treat u as colleagues," which kinda ties in with the fact that the teachers expect us to call them by their names instead of "Ms *insert surname*". This one, i need getting used to. I keep having to remind myself that i am not a student for these 3 months.

OKay i have to go do up the worksheets for tmr's tuition after school and then gather whatever i can about Arthur Yap. With tuition and internship demands, i sure hope i can juggle and do both well.

Boo!

Feeling Eggcited!

Since i-dunno-when, i've been apprehensive about going into smth new. Yet in recent days, i'm 2 new things are revolving around my life.

The first is the MOE internship. Which is starting tmr omg! I wonder how the first day will be like. Luckily all four of us interns of IJ have decided to meet outside the school gate to walk in and get lost around the school together. Hui Ren even sent an sms to us to remind us to bring our thermometers. =)

I'm excited about tmr. Can you tell? My supervisor seems really nice and bubbly. Yay hopefully this internship would be fruitful!

The second thing that is happening is the reason why i haven been blogging much. Haha. Life's good, i'm happy. I met someone who, unlike the rest who i've been easily dismissing, give me the good vibes. That said, i wonder if this is how the whole process ought to be. Then again, does it matter? Not for me. For now, just know that i'm starting to feel like a schoolgirl all over again!

Okie off to bed because i need to wake up early tmr. Goodnight everyone! I'll be back soon to share my internship experience!

ima be a teacher!

i know i know! i promised to fix the problem from the previous entry right! i really tried! but i dunno how, so i gave up. does anyone know the reason why you can click on the screenshots to view a larger picture? zzz because if you cant, you cannot read the spam emails. and that defeats my purpose of that blog entry. :(

okay i really really hope that i'd be able to concentrate on revision after i type out what i have to say here cus i'm running out of time. 2 papers on Wed but i refuse to cancel my Tues night 3 hr tuition because it's not nice to leave the kids in a lurch! i haven been reading my Shakespeare texts at all, and my Human Resource is err lousy so i need all the time i can have! *pumps fist frantically*

i'm in a good mood now because i just got back home from tuition, and i really love the Sat classes' kids! so clever and cute and endearing! i'm so proud of them. and it's amazing how they can remember my name after only hearing it once. yay! i always feel so much better after a Sat class. but Tues classes make me feel lethargic beyond words. but that's another story for another day. :)

i'm here to announce that i got the MOE teaching internship! i'm gonna be stationed at Innova JC, which is slightly daunting because the age gap is too small for comfort. eh i tuition pri and sec school kids only lah. but! i think it will be a good experience for me! i hope to learn alot of things and figure out if i want to pursue teaching as a career after graduation.

i hope to be a friend, a mentor to the students than a teacher teacher. cus in many ways i'm still a student myself. but how to command respect? omg in many ways i have never been the perfect, obedient and awesome student because i used to snigger at my teachers who spell things wrongly or fail to answer my (many) questions. this is karma, this is retribution!!! haha anyway i'm looking forward to it and i hope it works out well. so yes! i have smth meaningful to do this holidays!

heard scary stories like "oh you have to dye your hair back to black!" and "students and authorities will read your blog! so you cannot scold wtf or fuck!". UH OH. if this is really true than i'm in the deepest shit. i cant stop myself from swearing occasionally when i...when i feel like it! and i'm definitely not gonna dye my hair back to black man. cannot! black makes me look like a tired housewife. so the plan now is to silently go for the briefing sessions and silently slip into the school. should be fine because it's a JC duh. rules not so strict right? My JC teachers had coloured hair!

Okiewokie so i shall go shop for comfortable shoes and decent tops because i need to...cover up more. school mah. much of my clothes cannot. too casual/___.

right so my Aust/NZ trip is postponed to next year! sorry buddy Liu! i celebrate your birthday with you next year over there okay! wait for me! meanwhile, this hols, anyone wants to go Batam? 2D1N or 3D2N is fine! either early May or late July! (before or after my internship stint!)

i tied my hair for tuition today and you know what? my ponytail looks like a banana wtf. :(
i need a good hairstylist because my long-time stylist has gone back to i-dunno-where in Malaysia!

okay i think i finished rambling. bye!