lesson learnt

不够爱我的人 再美丽只是个梦

the result of ktv-ing.
lol.

(:

there are many (other) routes to happiness.

and with that, she just sits alone in the middle of her room.
emotionally comtemplating the very thing she is physically turning her back on.

thoughts.

People! I survived Wednesday!
omgomgomg.
haha.
i only managed to finish my abstract last night.
so i completed my essay during lunchtime today.
In like.. 45mins?
come on, worship me. lol.

Alright so i reward myself by giving myslf a little luxury of blogging.
i have some things to say.
No, i have alot of things to say.
but i have no time.

Firstly, Pris, wo ding ni!
pls don lose heart cus of ytd's match.
cus there are other things to look forward to.
alright?

This kinda links to what i wanna say.
life's not just about you and me
life's much much more.
right now i'm looking at things from broader perpectives,
and thinking on a larger scale.
The world is sooo big.
we're all kinda insignificant, if we wallow in self-pity.

Change.
life's full of changes.
Mr Mok, my Eng teacher in sec sch once said
"the only things constant in life is change."
yeapp. good or bad, we learn to accept and move on.

Moving on.
we make our own decisions, or sometimes decisions are made by others and we hafta follow suit.
but we accept them and we move on.
we get a life of our own.
eventually, we stop brooding, we do sth meaningful, and we are happy once again.
how happy u are is how happy u decide to be.
it' s true. i learnt it the hard way.

Hurt, anger, disappointment, pain, happiness, joy and the likes.
who doesnt feel these emotions?
everyone who's human does.
it's how u handle them tt defines the person u are.
for me, now, the whole world doesnt hafta know abt my emotions.
friends will understand if they will.
of cus, it's good to have friends around who understands.
but how many ppl will? like, really truly?
no one.
i do try to make ppl understand, den i realised no one would, totally.
and anyway i don have alot of time
so i deal with most things myself.

friendship. relationship. wadeva other ships.
stay within the perimeters.
and have faith. faith in ppl u treasure.
i have faith in my friends.
i was so sacred of losing them, earlier.
but right now.. i feel it's all fated.
there is no point in worrying
i'll only feel even more hurt in the process.
what will happen will happen.
i just want us all to be happy.

yes, it is this simple.
we need to be happy. all of us.
there is no right or wrong,
everything happens for a reason.
i know i haven been the best person on earth,
but at least i daresay i have nv done anything with e intention of harming anyone.
as for people who have hurt me, i forgive them and i move on.
simply cus it's easier on everyone.
and ppl make mistakes.
i do somtimes too.

i refrained from making too much comments until today
and even up til now i nv mentioned names,
it's cus of one thing... respect.
i respect everyone who is involved.
and i respect the issue enuff.
let's not tire everyone involved.

right now i am running. running away.
but no one needs to know wad i'm running away from.
cus i am still happy.
the rest, we'd talk abt it tml.
there will always be tml.
if my tml nv comes, den pls just rem me in a good light.
and no, it's not denial/apathy/displacement.
it's just.... right now there are more impt things to do.
i'm busy and i like my life this way now.

to the uncle at heart:
i give u wings to fly. tt's because i don believe in restricting anyone.
and besides i understand the nature of everything tt's happening.
because it's your life.
and, i know i have my own life to lead.
but i'm glad and thankful tt we understand each other.
true, with every choice comes repercussions/developments.
but it's inevitable. we live with it.
let's look at the big picture.
so long as u're gonna be happy, i'm fine.
really.
we're friends for life rem?

i try to be the best tt i can be, for everyone.
if i happen to not meet nay of ur standards, den i'm sorry but i tried my best.
I treasure all my friends, in my own way.
true friendship goes a long way.
so everyone of you reading this now, pls be happy.
it is simple.
(:

i've grown so much ever since.

Socks...

are very useful!

can pull

e.g pull up my socks or i'd fail this semester

can rock

e.g you rock my world!

mere utterances = unreliable.

It's Friday. Finally. When i woke up this morning, i went TGIF !!!

lol. Some of you may notice that my posts for this week have been...impersonal. Thank you for the calls, msn, sms-es. I haven really had time to think through things myself, so i didn't say much.

Well, things are now status quo. But during the break today, a deep conversation with Joseph taught me the philosophy behind the whole ___ thing. Finally, i've gotten an answer. An answer to why things are liddat, how and why two people not mutually in love hold up a relationship like ours. Suddenly it all makes sense, suddenly i understand from the male's point of view. Brutally honest, i must say. But i'm game for it. Shan't elaborate though. The thesis is too controversial. BUT Joseph is wiseeeee. God knows why we got into a topic like that, but it really helped me. Guess it's pre-arranged by heaven!

I won't lie and say i had a happy week. Sure i was unhappy. Health...tsk too. I'm starting to rely strongly on ventolin again. Plus the headaches and what-nots. But it wasn't a bad week either. Work has been quite productive, and HL101 tutorial put forward an interesting theory.

*
Writing/Speaking = Mere utterances(unreliable) & Performative Statements (e.g I love you) = No referentiality(unreliable)

Hence, the narrative is unreliable as it stems from memory, which is based on (and from) writing/speaking.
In this case, we should never hold someone to their words, because promises have no referentiality.
Thus, we ought to be surprised if promises are fulfilled.
And more often than not, promises are fulfilled only in special occasions.
*

Rather logical, huh? It's kinda true...

Enjoy ur weekends!
Ima rest well for the battle next week!

tooth-y matters & a lil' theory

Yiwin is back to doodle! :)

I had a great weekend. Did you? I learnt that whether my days are happy ultimately depends on myself. Nothing fantastic happened during the weekend, but i'm just happy. I was supposed to meet old friend but last minute we couldn't. And i'm okay. So yeah, it really is dependant on oneself. If you wanna bring yourself down and feel down, i guess no one can stop you. Even the best of friends would be rendered helpless.

So anyway. I started the new week by extracting my molar tooth this morning. awwww. The dentist says it's affecting dunno wad and if i wanna put braces in future i'd have to extract it anyway. So anyway the decision was to extract lo. OMG i swear it's my first time extracting a tooth liddat. In the past my milk tooths always dropped themselves! omgomgomg. Deeply traumatized leh...

I have to credit the dentist luh. He was so fast i din't know it was over. heh. He's quite handsome somemore. lol. Anesthetic made me feel weird. But when the anesthetic wore off, woah that's when the pain kicked in. awww. yuckyuckyuck.

I din't eat at all. Just drank milk. Plus the blood i lost. The dentist said it's supposed to stop bleeding after half an hour. Yeah right. Mine bleed all the way from 11am till 4pm. In fact it's still bleeding a little now. zzzz. But I went to school anyway. A little light-headed from the lost of blood (i'm already slighly anaemic) and lack of food. lol. but i know i'm fine. HL101 lecture was err confusing, i'm glad i went. But i still am not eating. Milk's fine. yay i may even slim down abit lehhhh!!

Right so morale of the story is Yiwin now has a license to conquer all the ice-creams, milkshakes, milk and iced milo in the world, because her dentist says she should take alot of cold stuff to help the wound contract and provide temporary relief. YAY!

Anyway, i swear the shape of my face is abit altered! look abit thinner! see the tooth was in the way! but i know u guys would just say it's my own imagination. especially buddy liu tt ass. zzzz. haha. But know what's my goal? That by the end of 2 years, no one would say i have chubby cheeks. Ima alter that view!

Okay before you people start lamenting me about the lack of SUBSTANCE in this blog, i'd attempt to blog some SUBSTANCE. :D

It seems to me, against my very own prevailing feminist views, that women are truly psychologically weaker then men, generally. I refused to belive in this stance when i was younger. But today it struck me. While train-ing home just now, i subconsciously whipped out my phone, typed a long sms, addressed it to lester. No prizes for guessing the content of the sms. Yes it was about my tooth extraction and pain and everything. It's not whining, but i just know he'd be able to provide comfort, and of course it just feels better to complain it all out to him. And yes, i really did feel better when i read his reply moments later. He was busy, it was short, but i was more contented anyway. It's weird. My female friends in school knew too, but err i just had to let him know.

And no he ain't a potential. But of all people i chose to sms him to complain and sorta... okay i admit, whine. Cus i know he'd listen to my rants and just be there. No strings attached.

Is it simply me? Or do you girls feel the same way? And guys? Do you do these kinda silly stuffs too? :)

Of bottlenecks.

How many bottlenecks must one go through in his/her entire course of life?



Indefinite answer right? It really depends. Which is unfair. Since a literal bottle has only ONE bottleneck. But humans are not bottles. Tsk.



Can i say that a tiny part of me is in doldrums but another part isn't? I don't know how to describe it.

"Why do you have so many friends to meet ah?"

Mommy posted me this question today afternoon. That got me musing.

First thing that came to my mind was, "Do i really have lots of friends?"

I can see it from mommy's viewpoint. Adults like her... Sure, they have many acquaintances, but little cronies, sadly so. Why is this so? I'm not at that stage of my life yet, so i can only guess.

For me, friends and maintaining friendships are two different issues. Friends can be made everywhere, but it takes a whole lot more to maintain the friendship. Friends need sufficient time together, be it physically, psychologically, ideologically, or intellectually. The list goes on. Ultimately, it all boils down to effort.

Friends are indispensible, i believe. We all need friendship and the love that comes along with it. It is only how much friendship (and with it comes understanding and support) each individual needs. I need enough. Is that even an answer at all? I'm not sure. Right now, i just embrace friendships which are worth it. Essentially, friends who are true, to both themselves and me. You need not be another me to be my good friend. Priscilla and i are quite different. But we've been best of friends for years. Simply because we accept, advise, but we don't judge. Buddies too, of course! :)

I happen more than a few cliques of friends ( not alot though). Some call it "group-hop". And i put in effort, so i'm often busy meeting up with different groups or individuals. I met Pris 2 days ago, i talked to Sharlot last night, i met Chuanmin tonight. And i enjoyed the time with all of them. see what i mean? And all of them are important to me because life has too many bends, crossroads, and pitfalls, these people pick me up, and vice versa. So yes.

Lester taught me alot about friendship. And love and silent solicitude. A secondary school friend taught me how to eventually find peace after a sudden, helpless renunciation of him, himself. There were (and are) also many others who have made an impact in my life and shaped the perosn i am now, and i'm sure there will be more. I learnt how to forgive, give my blessings to people who have let me down. I grew up alot with the many friends around me. Along the way, i learnt more and more. True friends are more important then family. My opinion. So how can i not meet them often? :D okay i admit this paragraph is a little out of point. But i had to pen it. Haha.

Having said that, the two issues, friends and friendship maintenance, are not mutually exclusive.

Wee! Goodnight world!
Treat everyone with sincerity. I believe it can be felt. :)

Was out with Priscilly Loolly last night. Lots of crapping and laughing and essentially, understanding. :)

She said something which made me... GUFFAW loud. haha.

We're talking about sexual orientation. She says it's like roads.

Heterosexuals are the normal roads we see. 50-70km/h
Homosexuals are road blocks. (thus the seek another direction)
Bisexuals are flyovers. Both way can.

And her own sexual orientation? She is an expressway. Chiong at fast speed. like 110-120km/h
LOL.

Alrighty. Here's an update.

The flight to Shanghai's confirmed. 16th-20th July. Leaving Singapore at 10am. Arriving at 9pm. haha, somehow i'm not really looking forward to the trip. I wanted to go so much, yes. But that was earlier. Not now, when so many orientation camps in NTU are waiting for me. Because of this trip, i gotta miss my HSS camp. It's 16-20th too. Teach me how to disapparate. :(

I'm still deciding between the Union camp and the CAC camp. But I think I wanna get all the registration settled and confirmed before i set off for Shanghai. So most probably CAC camp since it's no frills. Plus i have a senior in there, she can help me in the admin stuff while i'm abroad. See? so much trouble and i gotta miss my own faculty's camp. Sian. All my sister's fault.

Anyway, my sister and i were having a serious conversation about life and relationships. We came to a conclusion that there is a timing for everything. For example, there's a phase of her life when she wants to get married, but the phase has passed with nothing happening, so now she is not looking at marriage, but rather, how else fulfilling can her life be. I totally agree. This is life. Between two parties in a relationship, you gotta catch each other at the right timing. awww. Then what if they miss the timing? I dunno. How about you tell me?

Gotta fly to Vivo now. Late. BYE!