Bu(4) Xi(1) Han(4)

I planned to only blog here agian after my trip. But awww something happened and i must come here and rant.

Uncle's unhappy about the Shanghai trip tomorrow. Wrong, he's actually furious. He said if i choose to go, then he will not pay my university fees for me. I thought about it, hell, it's a better deal then what i've been having so far.

Think about it. Financial-wise, getting bank loans is no problem. And he can learn to stop using money to threaten me. i'm not threatened. Honestly if i can make it into a university, i have no worries about the fees. A few of you reading this may remember the last incident, when something similar happened (uncle unhappy abt daddy's stuff, kick up a bigg fuss, whole family lop-sided. rem?). yes that time he threatened to not pay my school fees too. Come on. i wanna shout into his face. Yiwen BU XI HAN can. so yes, better deal. No one can threaten me with anything.

He suck. Over time, i have already begun really seeing him as my dad. Of course i have my biological one, but honestly my biological dad (termed "daddy" here, for convenience) is not really my dad either. He was never really a father figure. Just a father err, in name. And by law. So i looked up on uncle as the father i never had. He earned my respect and yeah i kinda love him in my own way.

Things sure look rosy eh?

Uncle hates it when i contact Daddy. These years i have a hard time trying to pacify both sides and make things alright. think: hotdog in between bread. My choice of going for this trip made him really really angry. he said he feels he very kam gong to pay for me when i have a father who is supposed to pay for me. ha. I'm laughing out loud. and sniggering right here.

In return for paying for my tertiary education, he expects me to be his "daughter". First of all, i am supposed to cut off all contact with Daddy. I dunno, i feel that no matter how little daddy has done for me, even if i decide not to support him in future, he is still my biological dad. there are cousins and other aunts and uncles to consider. we don't just cut off contact like that. When uncle knew mommy, when he started to look upon me as a "daughter", he knows that i have a daddy who is still alive. Sure, i don't deny the fact that i love uncle more then Daddy but that's beside the point now. Love when given, can be retrieved, in such cases. I am me, i have my commitments and obligations, if he cant accept them, then sorry.

I'm glad he's not paying now. I'd gladly look up banks for bank loans. Simply because i don't wanna be uncle's puppet. I'm not siding Daddy. I'm taking neither sides. Both sides do not appeal to me. I lived without a father figure all these years, I am alright without a father.

Uncle says he loves me. So he says. he doenst love me, he just wants a convenient daughter-puppet. If he really does, would he do this? Ask mommy to convey the message that he doesnt wanna pay for my fees and ask me to ask my own Daddy to pay since i wanna go shanghai find my daddy. We all know daddy very well. he will not pay. At most the first month, after that he would just keep quiet and i have to solve the problem myself. No thanks. I support my own education. Uncle knows it's gonna happen. He did it anyway. You call it love? My ass.

No one is allowed to threaten me and expect me to be filial to them. No thanks. I was born with a backbone.

I cant help but snigger. I'm so stupid, why did i even bother. He's nv gonna earn my respect ever again. I gave him the key to one of my private doors, he threw it away. That's it. Door's locked. He's out.

I'm still going, i will embrace Shanghai with even wider, open-er arms. Now the doubts and guilt are gone, he killed my love for him. Fron now onwards, he's just my mom's partner. fullstop. My shoulders are finally unburdened. Wee! Shanghai! :D