societal expectations that come with age

in nursery school, if you're angry at a friend, you can shout, flial your limbs around and knock the said person down. you can make a fool of yourself because at that age, no one will judge you.

in primary school, if you're angry at a classmate, you still can do pretty much the same things you did to show your anger. maybe not the knocking down people down part because you will face disciplinary actions, but the expressive shouting is still permissible.

in secondary school, if you're angry at a friend, you can cry in indignance, try emotional blackmail, gather your friends over to "your side", even get into fights because the rebellious teen in you does not give two hoots about detention and what-nots.

in junior colleage, if you're angry at a schoolmate, you blog nasty things about the person; you either make it publicly known that she stepped on your toes, or you mask it well enough, but still think nasty thoughts. The pretense starts here. Oh maybe in secondary school too, for some.

in unversity, if you're angry at a coursemate, you talk to your friends about it and let it go, because you've ackowledged the fact that there will always be idiots who piss you off, so all you can do is steer clear of the person and move on. Otherwise you'd be as childish as them. hmm well some people really are as childish. depends on what sort of person you are.

in working life, if you're angry at a colleague, all you can bloody do is to suck it up, hold your head high and walk away from the nasty situation. Much as you want to, you are expected to not stoop to her level. A major test of your maturity and endurance.

i managed to do it though quite easily in fact. it sickens me to observe how tame, almost pallid, i've become. so in the end i am less upset at her, more upset at myself and how i'm handling it. yet proud of myself too. what a mess.