illness renders me down, down, down

I know tt's a lousy title up there. Reminds me of some sing-along song though. This entry may be incoherent cus the medicine hasn't worn itself off. I'm still groggy and blur. But decided to switch on my com for fear of being a "caveman", in Jiahe's words. :)

The title is literal. I went to hell and back, these few days. Kinda explains my online-absence, though i believe there were other minor reasons unnamed. Being sick always makes me feel like dying. I wonder why my illnesses are always damn chia lat. For many others, a flu is juts a flu. Minor, no major cause for concern. For me, a flu is serious enuff to kill me if i'm not careful. Medically certified by my GP. He says I have dunno dunno wad condition. So yeah, the past few days...Seriously there is like nothing for me to wanna prolong my suffering and stay on in this world. I could feel the virus attacking my insides, my brain, my eyes. Yucks. It's lonely falling ill at home. Cus you're supposed to take care of ur own meals, go see the doc urself, yada yada. Basically you're on ur own, sick or otherwise. Which is why i often end up not eating. I hate times like this. Makes me feel uber lonely and pathetic and craving for love. But when i'm well and hopping around, no, i don't want love, yet.

Anyway i'm better now, well enough to want to come online. So I just hope it's really over. roar!

Speaking of which... More and more of my friends are attached. Fantabulous. I picture myself as a granny, knitting alone in my wooden rocking chair. The rest of the world with their respective familes, possibly carrying their grandchildren and posing for family portraits. lol. Must be the virus in my brain, no? Or my subconscious mind working overtime. I dunno wad's my take about getting into a relationship now. I know it doesnt scare me as much anymore, so if the right guy comes along, i may, i just may jump ship. Then again, my definition of "right guy" scares myself. It's ever-changing and if my past requirements were high as Paul pointed out, den die liao loh. Now it's even higher. But nope, not high to me at all. Why step into the situation with someone who's not your ideal? It's a mistake to. Just look at *, the relationship i regret the most. What the hell was i thinking?! omgomgomg. Yeah enuff of sidetracking. And no, no potential guy to make me jump ship yet.

But yes, it's obvious, even to myself, that i'm slowly not irked by the thought of relationships and eventual marriage. But true love... Let's just say i'm still doubtful but at least i'm not certain of it's non-existence. So all's well. I hope. Heh. And speaking of true love.. Will my true love still love me when i'm all sick and down, throwing tissues in my overflowing tiny rubbish bag, eyes too watery to even see myself clearly in the mirror? *insert Enchanted's True Love's Kiss music* This is an earnest question, cus i am sick too often! Oh, and does anyone know the de facto cause for fever? Why so i always have on and off fever?

As i'm typing this, Yanni crossed my mind. Hello Yanni! Yeah and i remember we're supposed to plan a gathering together with Jing. So gay! Just planned a coffee/pool date with Mr Xavier Tong and Mich. eh eh eh Yiwen is uber happy! And hahahaha Becca's bbq! Ah life's still beautiful after i survived the flu virus! And i miss my cousins please! Cousins! let's gather! Next week i'd be meeting Chuanmin too. Like finally my dear! hmmm... i've been religiously writing down my appointments in my organiser just so i wun forget. Which reminds me, i need a 2008 organiser soon! Which again reminds me of my Christmas/Birthday wishlist! ahahahahahahaha. yay-ness! I feel holiday jolly pur-leese! :D

Sorry about the random chain of thoughts.. BUT! Then now i am reminded of the coming Christmas! yay! hahaha. the lights, the works, the warmth in all out hearts. I'm really looking forward to them. Esp so since this year, i'd be overseas with my beloved buddies!! Let's go celebrate xmas with them transvestites! And this year, i tink i won't have the money for xmas gifts for you guys. aww. sad. i'd see how okay!

Have i mentioned i'm effing proud of Xavier Tong? lol. Yepp i am. Xave, u deserve honourable mention here! Think "Boy, tt's life" and ur own conclusions about the whole situation. Really, you're the man. But, zhen guang off you, my ass alright! :)

I got back my reading urges. Am proud to announce that i finished 3 books in 2 days. in between sleeping and all. Have u guys read After Dark by Murakami? It's awesome. It's evil. Esp so since erm... hahha i fell asleep halfway and felt the same way the book made me feel when i was reading it. And when i woke up and went on the the next chapter, the title says 5.00. I looked at my clock and it's 5.00pm. OMG. haha. Sinister, but worth the read and the thinking process after. it kind of reminds me of Persona and WFG. The illegal chinese prostitute who was beaten resembles Okwe and Senay. Murakami is awesome.

I've outgrown Danielle Steel though. I've read almost all of her books when i was younger. Like in Sec school. Save for a few i couldn't find. I borrowed one of hers, Toxic Bachelors, in my recent trip to the library. Am disappointed. I feel she gets her points across by insistence, not by convincing her readers. The turn of events is too drama. But i guess writers have what we call "poetic license". And there were some careless repetitions. Hmmm okay but i shall not go on. Fact remains that her books entertained me throughly and were a joy to read when i was younger. :)

I have many more things to say. But the ongoing msn convers demand more attention from me. So off i go! If all's well, i'd blog pictures tml.

Goodnight!